NEW MOON in Scorpio 11/7 :: The Light/Bright Side of Shadow Work
There are things that we know we don’t know, and then there are things that we don't know we don't know. On the flip side, there are things that we know we know, and then there are things that we don’t know that we know: innate a.k.a. built-in understanding that may or may not be describable in words, or even conceivable in mental thought.
The more deep-soul-diving a person does and the more self-awareness we step into, the more we feel the impact of every thought, word, action...on ourselves, on our immediate surroundings including the people we are near, and on the global scale of the human race and the planet we live on and beyond.
For people who have experienced trauma (which is basically all of us, as we have all been through at least one painful experience that has had lasting painful effects on our lives), becoming present with what is, present in the moment, can be one of the scariest things to do. Present-moment awareness opens you up to feeling, and when we have put in time and effort to avoid feeling certain things, then the life and/or persona we have constructed with the absence of those things becomes threatened by this awareness.
We can build our persona around being tough, around being happy, around being powerful, around being inclusive, around being devil-may-care apathetic, around being enlightened, around being poor, around being servant-heart generous, around being athletic, around being broken, or any number or combination of things. In our desire to be right and correct about life, we can construct a container that is easily definable and recognizable to ourselves and to others. Nuance is risky, because it means possibly being misunderstood by others, or acknowledging that you don’t fully understand yourself. Nuance precludes the ability to KNOW in a black-and-white fashion.
What I have discovered during this Scorpionic new moon is that on my ongoing path and in spiraling back around to the same lessons and going deeper and deeper into them each time, every time I exit one box I had enclosed myself in, I find that I am in another (slightly larger) box. I feel like I am the very core of a Russian nesting doll that is working her way out to the light one layer of shell at a time. The desire to be correct is so strong…because the alternative is to not. fucking. know.
But let me tell you about the joys of not knowing, the freedom that comes with the release of responsibility to understand every in and out of Nature’s Way. The very thing I feared most, having my self-concept obliterated into The Great Unknown, has cleared the way for my inner lightbeams to reach forward into the world in ways I had forgotten I could. I am seeing the Magick of Me splash-land and take root in my relationships, my work, my play, my rest, and who knows what else. Take the box off the morning glories and all of a sudden they have sun and wind and pollinators and the ability to see upward and they can RISE. I know why I covered them up in the first place…because in tender sprout stage they were stepped on and I wanted to preserve them, to protect them, to give them a safe space to get strong. Now that they are strong and pushing against the barriers surrounding, the most healthy and loving thing I can do is take those barriers down. I dance them down, I sing them down, I love them down.
All my belabored efforts to nail myself down to something understandable have left me more confused than ever. I let go of confusion now. Confusion, for me, results from strenuously trying to understand something outside my current ability to grasp, and this effort is no longer necessary. I embrace willingness to see what happens, to be surprised, to respond in the moment, to be unprepared for just how beautiful Life wants to be and grow, in and around me. This is what I was fearing. I was fearing the magnitude of light that has been piling up inside me, a backlog of love, a veritable volcano of joyous eruption. Because who knows what will happen when I finally let all my love free…it could get messy…like sloppy puppy kisses and spontaneous wild sex and laughter at every turn and the happiest of tears and leaving the world speechless with my innocence.
This is what I was fearing. The magnitude of a love I thought I couldn’t hold onto. So let me hold onto it no longer, and let it run through me like a river runs from mountain to sea, over and over again, constantly renewed, refreshed, reborn, to give life just by living and moving and breathing, freely. As singer/songwriter Aurora implores, let me “be God in the shape of a girl who walks this world”.
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“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed.”
― Terence McKenna
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~ Eden Marie Peach
IG: @eden.earthytoes.137 (personal) and @earthytoes.137 (arts biz)
P.S. Are you a writer? Do you feel that you want to add to this space with your words and perspective and experience? Contact me through IG @eden.earthytoes.137 or email me at email@example.com and we’ll talk!