Reflections in the Heat of Mars Retrograde
A dollar here, a dollar there...a minute here, an hour there...a tear, a laugh, a howl...
Time. Money. Energy. Resources. How much is a dollar worth to you? What about an hour of your day? What about one solid minute? If beauty is in the eye of the beholder...what do you behold?
This Mars retrograde is plowing like an ever-lovin' wrecking ball through my 8th house, which is covered in Aquarius in my chart. Dudes...couple that with Neptune retrograde in Pisces in my 9th house and it is the beginning of the end of my delusions about "other people getting their shit together", delightfully paired with felt inadequacy and fear of not being enough (really, Eden?) with my innate and cultivated qualities, talents, and abilities. It's also the crumbling of my beliefs of there being some distant Divine Answer out there...instead of right here, right here in my immediate capacity and capability, in the Divine Sovereignty I have as my acutely and immensely specific part of the mass of consciousness.
Sunday I spent a therapeutic chunk of time in my own energy...sitting on my balcony, letting the sun make love to me, feeling in my element, hanging out with grasshoppers and moths, laughing at bickering bluejays, listening to the music around me. I looked in the mirror and felt absolutely beautiful. I felt like everything I want to be: whole, natural, vibrant, alive. I looked at myself, I looked at my creation, and I saw that it was good. Immediately I saw that the way I see others is DIRECTLY linked with how I see myself. Then I looked at my lover who came to join me and, if it were possible, he was even MORE beautiful to me, even more celestial, even more ardent, passionate, powerful. "How could I have missed this?", I asked myself, and immediately answered with the experience-based wordless wisdom from my gut. Distorting reality is not as difficult as the movies make it seem. In fact it is entirely too easy, child's play, and we do it all the time (a topic for another post, another time). It is undeniable to me now that how we see ourselves is how we will see others. The two are one. Mars is aiding in clear sight - what we put out, we get back.
I threw a surprise birthday party for one of my best friends a week ago, and I was powerfully reminded of the beautiful ways I can influence my world for the better by using resources that both spring from and come to me naturally, and that I have cultivated over time. I could choose to play out the habit of looking out and saying that people in the world, in my state, in my city, are disconnected from their humanity and proceed to torment myself with it, acting helpless and feeling hopeless...OR, I could create new habits one choice at a time, one choice to see how being disconnected from Life, from mySelf, prevents me from providing my natural medicine, my built-in med-kit, and administering it to the hurting parts of me I disconnected from and to the beautiful souls I am privileged to know and am honored to call friends and family (not to mention every person who finds my words on the internet). I forget that not all medicine requires money. Perfection is not a prerequisite for a set of skills to display their benefits, their healing properties, and skills can only improve with use, so to hell with it. Fuck waiting. Yes to stumbling forward and falling on my face, getting back up and going again, and may I develop stronger energetic proprioception on the way.
What if the thing you think others should put/get together is something YOU are to put together? What if the thing you say you need from a partner is something you need from yourself? What if the thing you think the world is missing...is inside of you?
Mars retrogrades do more than simply stop us in our tracks. They make us turn around and look at those tracks... We can see through open-Eyed observation where our pace quickened or slowed, where we walked off the beaten path and began to forge our own, whether our detours and diversions were expansive and exciting or crippling and painful, or all of the above. A key thing to remember about Mars as well is its aggressive quality. When it turns retrograde, we can tend to be very harsh toward ourselves when confronting our shadow, or very harsh toward others (could this be unwitting projection of our frustration with our own blind habits?). Again, look at your past steps and repeated lessons that lead up to where you are now. For most of the duration of the transit, this Mars retro is gregariously/precariously located in conjunction with the South Node of the Moon, which represents the patterns (habits) we repeat and perpetuate, day after day, year after year, lifetime after bloody lifetime. Mars' aggression is determined to point its gaze at the object of its attention. Now whether we will look at something that truly desires and requires our presence and attention OR look at something we conveniently convince ourselves is "more important" or "more spiritual", is another matter entirely.
Mars is the hard-headed part of us, and we can choose to be stubbornly dedicated to our growth, or we can put ourselves in gridlock with our past. Once we decide to take the blinders off, an entirely different dimension opens up and it can knock you off your feet, give you a vertigo of sorts (or literal physiological vertigo originating in your ear canal -- have you been plugging your ears to the truth you know full well is calling your name?). Rest assured, you're not the only one going through the ringer right now. The only way I am able to write about this is from my own personal experience of it, and frankly, this blog post doesn't come near to doing justice to the growing magnitude of my view of action/reaction reality.
If the shadow comes out of hiding, it means you are ready to see and deal with it. Now, whether or not one feels ready when one's soul decides one is ready is another matter entirely. (Anyone else noticing patterns here? Avoidance/denial vs. taking responsibility?) How many times has something happened in your life that you felt absolutely unprepared for? that you saw yourself as being completely inadequate to handle? Your feelings about your qualifications and/or readiness didn't stop it from happening though, did they?
Now, the bigger question is... Do you believe your soul knows what it's doing? And if so, do you believe your higher self is trustworthy? Do you believe you can know innately what is best for you? Do you believe you can flip the script on your ego when you lose focus and see things from a different perspective, maybe a more magical/empowered perspective? Do you believe that you can change your perspective BY CHOICE and cause your behavior and decisions to change as a direct consequence? Well, that sounds at the very least like loads more fun than defeatedly stewing about circumstances and suffering. At the very least a change in perspective can help you to stop feeling powerless in your circumstances, because you know what they say...if you can change the way you look at things, the things you look at can change you. Or something like that. ;)
Stay classy, my friends.
~ Eden Marie Peach
IG: @eden.earthytoes.137 & @earthytoes137.arts