FULL MOON in Aries 9 / 24-25 ~ Vital Systems: ENGAGED

The format of this lunar-inspired post is going to be different. I am going to describe my experience, not knowing whether or not it is your experience. I will not be dishing out advice. I will not be offering direct suggestions or nudges in your direction. My aim is to describe life the way I live it and view it in partnership with my astrological understanding, trusting that my authenticity, my life force, my truth, will be of value to those who find it illuminating.

After last night I started to wonder if I really do have anything to offer the world through my astrological view, because my experience is so clearly in line and interacting with my birth chart, and so fucking specific. How am I supposed to know what houses the planets are moving through for you, and which of your natal aspects are being touched on, and what you should do about the energies as you’re experiencing them? But then I realized: AHHHH…that is not the point of any of this. The point of sharing astrological perspectives isn’t to give a logical step-by-step tutorial to those listening to your words. (And may I never presume to assume responsibility for directing another person’s actions.) The point is to share my personal experience and perceptions, and for those listening to be in touch with your OWN lives and growth, and for you to listen between the lines for how the energies are playing out FOR YOU. THIS, this is where you and I amalgamate, converge, intertwine. A.K.A. THE BEAUTIFUL INTERACTION BETWEEN FULL MOON IN ARIES OPPOSITE SUN IN LIBRA.

Here we go.

Being extraordinarily lunar, Chironic, and Arian myself, this full moon in Aries conjunct retrograde Chiron (and crawling up to my midheaven, opposite my natal asteroid Child which is nestled in my IC in Libra) is extremely personal (like any lunations aren’t, for a Cancer Rising).

For much of my life I have been presented with needs by the people I’m in relationship with and requested to fill them. When I was very young I was caring for others. I am the oldest of 12 children. You could say my identity was encapsulated in this role. “I am what I am for others. I do what I do for others. My life is lived for others. Sometimes, if I can, I get to sneak away and read, write, draw, or make jewelry.”

My life has been lived in response to my surroundings, circumstance, and relationships. Key words: in response. Who has time for creating when there is so much that already exists that needs helping/mending/healing? I gave my attention and energy to be carried by the whims of whatever need seems most urgent, whatever pain seems most potent. Sole/soul purpose a vessel, carrying for others, pouring out for their sake, keeping peace, creating harmony as much as was within my power to do.

This way of sacrificing myself for the ‘other’ could also have been a way to quiet the torment of my unlived life. My desires that felt out of reach or even downright wrong and sinful were given up, again and again and again. They felt so contrary to what it seemed the world was asking of me, and often it did not go well for me when I asserted my personal desires as important. The blows to the gut / solar plexus were stupefying and felt like death. (This was before I began to explore the idea that death could be a gift.)

I adjusted. I decided I liked harmony more than pursuing grandiose dreams, ease more than the challenge of learning relational skills and boundaries, which still wouldn’t guarantee I would be heard and received. I began to choose my inherited values. Keep the peace at all costs. Keep things soft and easy, no wrinkles, no hiccups, no hard feelings. I am outside myself, running to and fro, tending to all out of place, all in pain, all unsavory. I am a ghost, patching up holes in the hulls of ships I do not know, with paper bandages that I craft by hand. It takes all of my energy and I never feel like I keep up. I eat, but my mouthfuls fall through the pit of my stomach onto the ground, which consumes it gratefully. My soft muscles grow softer, and I can lift fewer and fewer things, and the things I do lift feel heavier and heavier.

Eden disappears, but you can still see her shell moving about.

“To stand outside your virtue
No one can ever hurt you
Or so they say…”
-
lyrics from ‘Her Name is Alice' by Shinedown

This is my PAST. This is what WAS. The first step to change is to acknowledge the truth of what has been.

Now I feel sick of telling these stories over and over every time I don’t feel satisfied. I don’t want to tell this story anymore!!! What new story could I tell? How about my goddamned fucking OWN, the one that lives in my BONES? And how about NOW?

In losing my life I have found it. In operating on empty, I know how to fill my body with my soul. In fearing the pains of life, I see what I value and cherish. No longer will I let my values be determined by any passing opportunity to suppress my deeply powerful and brawny emotion. No longer will I look for needs to fill. The most vital needs do not need to be looked for. They are gazing up at me from the pit of my stomach.

My natal Chiron is square to my natal Mars which is conjunct my midheaven. Squares are often talked about in fear-mongering ways, or perhaps that is how I have perceived the conversations due to my own biases, but regardless - a square is a signal of challenge. Will I accept that challenge? It’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question and I will not pretend I don’t hear it being asked.

Now I walk into the fire of my anger. I am so grateful for the ability to feel anger, finally…now I don’t lie down and let darkness smother me. My fire keeps me lit, and keeps me warm. Warmth, vitality, sexuality, desire to FEEL LIFE...the reason these things felt so “wrong” was because my values were FUCKED. They were not my own original values. Someone(s) said “This is important, you should value this”, and I agreed. And then I carried them around like they were my own.

Mars screams differently. Mars screams otherwise. Mars says WAKE UP to what you REALLY WANT! It is now literally life or death! Your body is listening to your thoughts!

Mars sextiles this new moon. He’s marching through Aquarius attached at the hip to the South Node of the Moon, while the Moon herself beams through Aries dancing with a retrograde Chiron.

I initiate. I initiate change. I initiate healing. I want my wounds to lead me somewhere ELSE! Somewhere OTHER than into powerless repetition! What if they could lead me into joy? What if JOY is how I heal now? I’m daring to hope for it. I’m daring to believe I will be and am successful in this. I adjust my sails to go a different direction. I put on my sundress and embrace the light, absorbing it, photon by photon.

None of my attempts to heal others have healed me, but maybe my efforts at healing myself can heal others.

Thank you for reading and sharing this space with me. Here’s to word-sparks and action-flames generated and rooted in creation and raw, honest, pure desire.

~ Eden Marie Peach
IG: @eden.earthytoes.137 & @earthytoes137.arts

P.S. Are you a writer? Do you feel that you want to add to this space with your words and perspective and experience? Contact me through IG @eden.earthytoes.137 or email me at eden.mexico@gmail.com and we’ll talk!